Stressed out? Overwhelmed? Feeling a bit Crazy?

Holidays making you a little crazy??

Don't fret, there's hope! (Really) There's one week to go....here are a few tips that can help get you through the holidays without a visit from the men in white coats.

1. Breathe.......breathe in for 5 counts, hold for 5 counts and breathe out for 5 counts. Do this at least 3 times to keep oxygen in your body and to slow down!
2. Do at least one thing for yourself each day - call a friend, take a bath, meet a friend over coffee or glass of wine, have your kids or spouse rub your feet or give you a mini-massage. (I'm heading out soon to have lunch with my husband!)
   
3. Check your list and make sure you do the things you love to do and see which items you can forego this year, delegate to someone else, or streamline. (I don't bake, I'm not doing any outside lights this year and I may not get my cards out til New Years!)
4. Stop periodically to practice gratitude...notice the beauty around you, your friends, family, health, etc. Time passes too quickly, don't miss the goodies.
5. Remember-what you get done, you get done. Christmas will come whether you're ready or not.
   

The Grinch couldn't keep Christmas from coming, so who are we to question little Cindy Lew Who, "the best gift isn't from the store or under the tree, it's enjoying the important people in your life!"

Merry Christmas & Happy New Year!

BTW-give yourself something to look forward to AFTER the holidays: De-stress, relax and get energized for great things in 2010! Register for my retreat! Go to link: Women's Retreat for more info. or to register!

Be Grateful: 10 Ways to Enjoy Snow Days

It's a blizzard out there!

Time is limited this time of year, you have better things to do than read emails all day, so let me be brief. We tend to look at snow days as days to catch up on work and we don't take the time savor the "gift" we've been given. I've included some ideas that will help you take advantage of the free day. If you must do work, try to set some limits around it and make sure you get some time to enjoy the extra time you've been given.

Here are some ideas:

1. 
   Curl up on the couch with a good book and cup of hot cocoa.
2. Put together jigsaw puzzles with the kids.
3. Commiserate with your neighbors as you're cleaning off sidewalks and driveways.
4. Initiate a neighborhood snowball fight or snowman making followed by hot cocoa at your house.
5. Plan your spring break activities.
6. Have a movie marathon.
   
7. Ski down the middle of your street.
8. Cook "stone soup" using whatever you have in your cupboards and 'frig.
9. Tell stories about storms of the past
10. It's a "free" day, do whatever you want!!
    

PS: If you do not experience snow days and you are in a warm sunny climate.....never mind.

This is your life……make every day a spa day!

c.2009-Copyright by Mary Kay Aide and This Is Your Life Coaching LLC

Vitamin N for More Balance and Less Stress

I did a presentation today talking about my 5 Strategies for a Stress-Free Holiday. It went well and I think my favorite part was listening to the strategies audience members are already using to help make the holiday season more manageable and more fun. Here are a few of the ideas:

• Take everyone bowling or to a movie together
• Strategize and have a budget and plan before you shop.
  
• Adjust your activities to match the age group
• Plan low-keyed activities without the demands of elaborate events
  

My favorite suggestion and one I hadn't heard before was to take Vitamin N. What's vitamin N? Saying NO! What a great concept! So here's the general idea as the holidays get closer.....You don't have to do it all. Do what you love and what family members love and let the rest go. The more you try to meet everyone's expectations the less manageable and enjoyable the holidays will be. Your joy of the holidays is at least as important as everyone else's. Taking care of yourself and learning to say no will help you avoid the overwhelm and stress that is often part of the holidays.

Enjoy the holidays and don't forget to take your Vitamins!!

This Is Your Life (and Holiday)....Make it What You Want!

Practice Self-Care: You are Worthy

I recieved this poem from a friend/colleague and wanted to pass it on....

One Flaw In Women

Women have strengths that amaze men...
They bear hardships and they carry burdens,
but they hold happiness, love and joy.
They smile when they want to scream.
They sing when they want to cry.
They cry when they are happy
and laugh when they are nervous.
They fight for what they believe in.
They stand up to injustice.
They don't take "no" for an answer
when they believe there is a better solution.
They go without so their family can have.
They go to the doctor with a frightened friend.
They love unconditionally.
They cry when their children excel
and cheer when their friends get awards.
They are happy when they hear about
a birth or a wedding.
Their hearts break when a friend dies.
They grieve at the loss of a family member,
yet they are strong when they
think there is no strength left.
They know that a hug and a kiss
can heal a broken heart.
Women come in all shapes, sizes and colors.
They'll drive, fly, walk, run or e-mail you
to show how much they care about you.
The heart of a woman is what
makes the world keep turning.
They bring joy, hope and love.
They have compassion and ideas.
They give moral support to their
family and friends.
Women have vital things to say
and everything to give.

HOWEVER, IF THERE IS ONE FLAW IN WOMEN,
IT IS THAT THEY FORGET THEIR WORTH.

"You are AT LEAST as important as anyone else in your life!"

Mary Kay Aide, Spa for Your Soul Coach

And the award goes to......Me! (and maybe You!)

I was lucky enough to be awarded the Superior Scribbler Award from Show Me the Mom, which is one of the funniest blogs about raising kids (4 teen boys to be exact)working fulltime outside the home and living to tell about it! It's a must read for all you busy mom's out there. We are NOT alone!!

The Scribbler award comes with some rules:

• Each Superior Scribbler must in turn pass The Award on to 5 most-deserving Bloggy Friends.

• Each Superior Scribbler must link to the author & the name of the blog from whom he/she has received The Award. This one came from http://www.showmethemom.com

• Each Superior Scribbler must display The Award on his/her blog, and link to This Post, which explains The Award.

• Each Blogger who wins The Superior Scribbler Award must visit this post and add his/her name to the Mr. Linky List. That way, we’ll be able to keep up-to-date on everyone who receives This Prestigious Honor

• Each Superior Scribbler must post these rules on his/her blog.

So, drum roll please, the 5 people I want to pass this along to, in no particular order are:

http://www.cravingbalance.com No need to say more....

http://www.short-temsolutions.com/vablog/ Has some great e-books she calls "instructional fiction" and are written in Janet Evanovich's quirky style. She's also an excellent VA!

http://www.showmethemom.comI know it'a already a winner but I want to pass it on again....I love your blog...never miss it!

http://www.getknownnowblog.comIf you have a business Suzanne Falter-Barns specializes on creating your brand platform and increasing your exposure. She's fun, too!

http://www.kirasabin.com/blog Kira's The Dating Makeover Coach and while I'm married and am way past dating....I love her writing and she has tons of great information presented in her own unique and fun style. She tells you "the truth, the whole truth and nothin' but the truth about dating!"

Would love to have you visit these sites and pass them on.

Spa for Your Soul....Make Everyday a Spa Day!

10 Tips for a Stress Free Holiday

The holiday season is one of the most stressful times of year for many people. It’s a classic example of how we ask too much of ourselves and of others.

November comes around and suddenly we expect to turn into “Martha Stewart!” We want a beautifully decorated house, delicious homemade treats, perfect, well thought out personalized gifts and well-behaved, eternally grateful children......even after we’ve disrupted their sleep routines, filled them up with sugar and drug them to relatives' houses they only see once a year!

So how do you avoid making the holidays humbug? Here are some tips:

1. Ask each family member what their number one favorite part of the holiday is and only do those. You don’t have to do everything! You might be surprised that there are some things that aren’t as important as you thought.

2. Skip the holiday cards-send New Years cards in January or Valentine cards in February when you have more time. When you send something later, people are more likely to read it. If you send cards and family updates in January or February there’s a better chance they’ll remember what it said.

3. Give theme gifts: magazine subscriptions, donations in their name, gift cards, tickets to a concert, movie, play, etc. Go through a list of magazines and choose one that fits each person on your list. Think about their favorite store, go online and order a gift card for them. Give them tickets to an event you both like and maybe they’ll share the second ticket-the gift that keeps on giving.

4. Go to bed for a nap after Thanksgiving Dinner and set the alarm for midnight New Year's Eve. Thought I’d toss that in for fun.

5. Make a list before shopping! Nothing is more time consuming and crazy making than wandering around the mall waiting for the perfect gift to jump out at you or having so many gifts jumping out at you that you feel like your brain will explode! Go through catalogs or magazines for ideas, decide what you want and buy only what’s on your list, or better yet, do all your shopping online!

6. Go shopping with a friend and combine it with a massage, spa treatment, sauna or a soak in a hot tub. Wouldn't it be great to shop for an hour or two and follow it with a great meal or spa date afterwards!

7. Breathe……breathe…….breathe. A deep breath will help you slow down to think and make better decisions. You know that last minute craziness that happens right before guests arrive-your mind races and you're bouncing from one thing to another. Then the door bell rings. STOP! Take a deep breath and your mind and body will automatically slow down. What's done is done....let it go.

8. Make the holiday meal a group event: ask guests to bring part of the meal. If you are hosting an event, let guests know up front that you are happy to provide the main dish and assign or let them choose a side dish to bring. Then they don't need to bother with a hostess gift either. And really, how many candles or cute knick knacks do you need?

9. Schedule FUN things for yourself as well as the kids. While you do lots for your families and friends this time of year, don’t forget to do something for yourself-go to a movie, buy yourself a little gift, hang out with a friend, go skiing or try something you’ve always wanted to do. This is your holiday, too. You deserve to have some fun!

10. And finally, borrowed from professional organizers, do only the things you need to do and the things you love to do. Let go of the rest. What traditions do you love and which ones feel like chores? Going back to Tip #1 - only do the number one favorites. And don’t forget, your favorites count as well-it's the ultimate self-care. (Actually, your favorites count more because "when mama ain't happy, nobody's happy!")

Bottom line....do activities you truly love and you'll be energized and happy. How can you enjoy the true meaning of the holidays, whatever that means for you, if you're stressed out and exhausted! Have a happy holiday, you deserve it!

Free Call-10 Tips for Stress-free Holiday

Free-Teleclass! Spa for Your Soul

Make Your Holiday Season
More Happy and Less Hectic!

Tuesday, November 3rd at 7 PM Central

The holiday season is one of the most stressful times of year, especially for women.
It’s a classic example of expecting too much from yourself!

Is this you?

November comes around and you have more “to do’s” to add to your already long list of everyday chores and responsibilities: gifts, dinners, decorating, baking, parties, religious programs, school programs, planning for guests, plans for travel, working out schedule with extended family,

2 weeks of kids being home from school, etc.

Plus, there is an expectation that everyone become the local “Martha Stewart”….by having a beautifully decorated home, delectable homemade cookies, perfect, well thought out personalized gifts and well-behaved, eternally grateful children......even after their routine is disrupted, they’ve filled up with cookies, candy and enough stimulus tilt a pinball machine!!

So here’s the question….

What do YOU want for the Holidays?

On Tuesday, November 3rd at 7 PM Central Time

Spa for Your Soul Coach, Mary Kay Aide will share

10 tips to make your holiday more happy and less hectic!

You deserve to enjoy the holidays as much as anyone else and
you will learn to make that happen by following these tips.

This is the perfect time to put together a plan to ward off holiday stress
and enjoy the holidays the way you want!

The holidays have special meaning for everyone, full of gratitude, giving and celebration.

You can’t enjoy yourself when you’re stressed out and exhausted.

Register & make the 2009 Holiday Season the happiest and best one yet!

Sign up on the right for the number to get in on the call.

I did my best to schedule this call at a convenient time, so you'll be able to join us live-

I want you to have the opportunity to ask questions and get all you need.

However, if you just can't make the call live, be sure to sign up,

so you have access to the recording.

Looking forward to "seeing" you on Tuesday!!

Two Wolves-Feed Your Strengths

Two Wolves.

One evening an old Cherokee told his grandson about a battle that goes on inside people.

He said, ' My son, the battle is between two ' wolves ' inside us all.

One is Evil. - It is anger, envy, jealousy, sorrow, regret, greed, arrogance, self-pity, guilt, resentment, inferiority, lies, false pride, superiority, and ego.

The other is Good. - It is joy, peace, love, hope, serenity, humility, kindness, benevolence, empathy, generosity, truth, compassion and faith. '

The grandson thought about it for a minute and then asked his grandfather: ' Which wolf wins? '

The old Cherokee simply replied, ' The one you feed. '

Author unknown

Free Tele-class-It's Time for YOU!

Do you:

• Spend all your time and energy taking care of everyone else?
• Find yourself on the bottom of your priority list? (Are you even on the list?)
• Ever wonder when it’s going to be your turn?
• Know things need to change, but don’t know where to start?
• Feel like you’ve lost yourself?

If this sounds like you, this Spa for your Soul call is for you!

Five Tools to Rejuvenate your Life

Tuesday, October 27th Noon-1PM Central Time.

Sign up in the box to the right to get the call information, as well as my Spa for Your Soul e-newsletter and a BONUS mini e-course: "Creating more Balance and Meaning in Your Life!"

Listening live will give you an opportunity to get your own questions answered, but if you can't make the call live, that's fine. Register anyway and you will receive the link to listen to the call at your convenience.

Perhaps you have what looks like a dream life, but it doesn't feel very dream like!

Take a break from the many demands in your day and let

Spa for Your Soul help you feel like you just walked out of a beauty spa, energized and deserving of the life you want and deserve!

This free tele-class will introduce 5 Steps to Rejuvenate Your Life!

These doable, concrete and practical steps are designed to support and guide you as you focus on yourself, your values and the kind of life you want!

Registration is on the right and you'll receive the call information as well as a free subscription to my Spa for your Soul e-newsletter and as a BONUS-mini-ecourse: Creating more Balance and Meaning in your Life.

Put this call on your calendar....

Tuesday, October 27th Noon-1PM Central Time

Sign up now, it's only a few days away!!

The Ultimate Cure-The Ultimate Self-Care

"There must be quite a few things that a hot bath won't cure,
but I don't know many of them."
-- Sylvia Plath, The Bell Jar

I love this quote, but for some reason I’ve never written about it. I’d look at it, ponder about it, then move on to something else. Promoting a hot bath as the ultimate cure of anything seemed a little too decadent or too simple or something.

It’s strange because, here I am, a proclaimed “self-care specialist” and I’ve avoided writing about one of life’s greatest pleasures, a hot bath. What’s THAT all about? Hot baths have been around for a very long time. It’s a fabulous, yet inexpensive way to practice self-care.

Remember the old Calgon commercials? For those of you who are a bit younger than me, it featured a woman escaping into a hot bubble bath with the phrase, “Calgon, take me away!”
How many times do you see someone soaking in a bubble bath surrounded with candles, listening to music and savoring the moment….not in person perhaps (!), but on TV, in the movies, etc.

I would guess that we think about doing it for ourselves many more times than we actually do it. I know lots of people that were so excited to put a spa tub in their new bathroom anticipating long luxurious baths and then later report they hardly use it!

Is that you? If it’s not a hot bath you put off, maybe it’s scheduling a massage or coffee with a friend or any number of fabulous self-care activities.

So what gets in the way of you taking the steps to take care of yourself? Do you, like me, think it’s too decadent or too easy of a solution? How often do you think about how great it would be to pamper yourself a little bit, but there’s just one more thing to get done, one more chore, one more project one more phone call.

What makes you think that your self-care belongs on the bottom of your priority list? I challenge you to move your self-care up the list. You deserve it. As Stuart Smalley says, “You’re good enough, you’re smart enough and gosh darn it, people like you!!”

Be your own best friend and tell yourself that it’s time to allow some regular self-care in your life. Put it on your schedule and do it!! Let me know what self-care activities you plan to include in the next few days.

This is your life……make every day a spa day!

Extreme Self-Care & Life Balance-Things We Can Learn from a Dog

My dog, Penny Lane, will be 1 year old on October 13th.
She knows all about having balance in her life and practicing extreme self-care!

Here she is at 2 and 9 months old.

Happy Birthday, Penny!

Things We Can Learn from a Dog:*

1. Never pass up the opportunity to go for a joy ride.
   
2. Allow the experience of fresh air and the wind in your face to be pure ecstasy.
   
3. When loved ones come home, always run and greet them.
   
4. When it’s in your best interest, practice obedience.
   
5. Let others know when they have invaded your territory.
   
6. Take naps and stretch before rising.
   
7. Run, romp, and play daily.
   
8. Eat with gusto and enthusiasm.
   
9. Be loyal.
   
10. Never pretend to be something you’re not.
    
11. If what you want is buried, dig until you find it.
    
12. When someone is having a bad day, be silent, sit close by and nuzzle him or her gently.
    
13. Thrive on attention.
    
14. Avoid biting when a simple growl will do.
    
15. On hot days, drink lots of water and sit under a shady tree.
    
16. When you’re happy, dance around and wag your entire body.
    
17. Delight in the simple joy of a long walk.
    
18. No matter how often you are scolded, don’t buy the guilt thing and pout—run right back and make friends.
    
    (*borrowed from The Networking Survival Guide: Getting Success You Want by Tapping into the People You Know by Diane Darling)

It's never too late to be whoever you want to be

"The Curious Case of Benjamin Button"

"For what it's worth, it's never too late, or in my case too early, to be whoever you want to be.

There's no time limit... start whenever you want... you can change or stay the same.

There are no rules to this thing. We can make the best or the worst of it.

I hope you make the best of it.
I hope you see things that stop you.
I hope you feel things that you never felt before.
I hope you meet people with a different point of view.
I hope you live a life that you're proud of and if you find that you're not,
I hope you have the strength to start all over again."

Ultimate Self-Care-Find Your "Wilderness"

Where's your wilderness?

I just returned from my annual women’s wilderness canoe trip in northern Minnesota. We drove to Grand Marais, MN on the north shore of Lake Superior, head inland on the Gunflint Trail and put in our canoes, loaded with all our gear and food, and head out for three nights in the Boundary Waters Canoe Area wilderness.

You might wonder what the appeal is of going that far away to sleep on the ground, carry all our food and gear on our backs and portaging canoes. (I know my mother does!) For one, it’s gorgeous, unspoiled, wilderness….lakes connected to one another by only portage trails. There are no buildings, no motors, no cell phones, no computers. I believe airlines are even restricted from flying over that area to avoid disturbing the quiet.

For another, it’s very simple living. Day to day activities are reduced to the simplest of duties: preparing meals, rest, contemplation, reading, fishing, swimming, watching wildlife, paddling. There is no need to rush about because there are no schedules. You don’t need a watch because the days are ruled by the sun. You get up when it’s light and you go to bed when it’s dark, after enjoying the campfire and gazing at the stars. It’s easy to enjoy the sounds of nature, the clean air and water. There’s nothing like savoring the food, the tranquil moments and the companionship of friends.

The only problem with spending time in the wilderness is the culture shock when I return! After you return from a relaxing vacation, how can you practice some of that mindfulness and relaxation in your “real” life? How can you savor anything in the midst of traffic, cell phones, computers, and the infinite number of demands?

As I write this, I find myself pondering my wilderness experience and automatically I find myself there…..I can feel myself relax, my breathing has slowed, I’m absorbing the view out my window and noticing the sun shining in the flowers outside my window. It’s lovely and quite calming.

I understand that you may not have experienced the wilderness, but I bet you’ve been someplace that is relaxing and enjoyable.

Where is your “wilderness?”

• Take yourself to that relaxing place in your mind


• Allow yourself to relax into the moment.


• Go where you can unwind


• Let go of the distractions around you
  

We all need to visit the “wilderness” and inner selves to slow down and become more at peace with the world. What would it take to get you there in your mind?

My request for you is to experience your “wilderness” every day even for just a moment or two and give yourself a break from your “real” world. You deserve it.

This Is Your Life....Make It What You Want!

Comparing Your Insides with Everyone Else's Outsides

Comparing Your Insides with Others' Outsides-A Losing Proposition

• Ever find yourself thinking that everyone else is more "together" than you?
• Do you believe other people are naturally are more confident, smart, balanced and sane?

Welcome to the human race!! It's understandable to think other people are doing better than you because you are looking at their outside personas. You don't see the stuff that's going on inside.

Think about it. You go to a party and you see how clean and attractive their home is. You get holiday cards in the mail and see the lovely photos, read about the great things they are doing, how smart and accomplished their kids are etc.

What you don't see is what the house looked like before they got ready for the party, how the kids spent the morning of the photo fighting and it's a constant stuggle to get the kids to do their homework!!

And you know what? They probably think the same thing about you! Your house looks pretty good when you have guests. I'm sure your holiday cards focus on the positives in your family life. Who wants to hear about bad stuff?

Here's what's happening, you may feel inferior to others because you are comparing your insides-the doubts, the flaws, the nitty gritty of life, to everyone elses' outsides and it's a no-win situation!! No wonder you feel inferior!

It's not fair to put yourself in that situation. Before you put yourself down, remember that they have lots of stuff going on inside that you don't know about. (That's why we like to hear the gossip about the rich and famous-it normalizes them!) If you really want to compare yourself with another, compare the "inside" information as well as the "outside" so you're on the same level.

The good news about sharing all parts of ourselves is that mutual authenticity and openness creates more honest and real relationships! And who doesn't want that?

This Is Your Life....Make It What You Want!

Autobiography in 5 short chapters

An Autobiography in Five Short Chapters
-Anonymous
I.
I walk down the street.
There is a deep hole in the sidewalk.
I fall in.
I am lost……I am helpless.
It isn’t my fault.
It takes forever to find a way out.
II.
I walk down the same street.
There is a deep hole in the sidewalk.
I pretend I don’t see it.
I fall in again.
I can’t believe I am in this same place.
But it isn’t my fault.
It still takes a long time to get out.
III.
I walk down the same street.
There is a deep hole in the sidewalk.
I see it is there.
I still fall in…it’s a habit……but
My eyes are open.
I know where I am.
It is MY fault.
I get out immediately.
IV.
I walk down the same street.
There is a deep hole in the sidewalk.
I walk around it.
V.
I walk down another street.

Is It Really You? Being Authentic-A Form of Self-Care

"Let the world know you as you are,not as you think you should be." -- Fanny Brice

Do you spend a lot of energy being what you think others want you to be? Are you a people-pleaser?

As Dr. Phil might ask, "How's that workin' for ya?" Not so good?

What would happen if you always presented yourself as your authentic self? What if, no matter what, you felt like you could just be yourself?

I know I spent much of my younger years doing what I thought others' expected of me. I would be different depending on the group of people I was with. Over time, I lost myself. I spent a lot of energy figuring out what was expected of me and trying to deliver whatever the other person wanted. I was constantly reevaluating my words and behavior and it was exhausting!

It was in graduate school when I hit a wall and learned how detrimental operating under the shadows of others’ expectations was to myself and to others.

I remember how freeing it was to simply be myself. I needed to trust that it was really okay to be my authentic self! The challenge was learning to love and trust enough to risk putting myself out into the world. The greatest surprise was learning that being myself was much more gratifying than I could have imagined! I learned that I could trust my relationships more because those who I attracted wanted to be with the real me, not the person I thought they wanted me to be.

What if you didn't have to please anyone but yourself? How different would you be? What if you didn't feel controlled by that need to meet the perceived expectations of those around you?

My challenge for you is to practice being more authentic and true to yourself. Begin by thinking about "you" first rather than others' first. Focusing on your needs first may feel a little uncomfortable at first, but shifting your perspective a little is not going to send you in the opposite direction. You'll probably always incorporate others' needs into your life, you just won't be ruled by them!

The risk, of course, is that it will not please everyone. The good news is that the people and the relationships that you do have will be genuine and more meaningful.

And all that energy you spent trying to please others can be directed toward more fulfilling endeavors!

Fanny Brice had it right...let the world know who you are. You are a uniquely talented and gifted person. Let others appreciate all you have to offer. You deserve it!

This Is Your Life.....Make It What You Want!

De-clutter and Take Charge of Your Life

Are you in charge of your life?

Are there people or situations that can easily distract you or bring you down? Do they feel like they are running your life? Some are easy to recognize, others not. If you want to be living a more productive, healthy or purposeful life, perhaps a little "de-cluttering" can help.

• What things in your life drain you of energy and prevents you from doing your best?
• What are some things you simply put up with because it seems easier at the time?
• Are there people or situations in your life that do not serve you well?
  

Here's a really simple exercise that will help you begin the de-cluttering process.

1. Draw a line down the middle of a piece of paper.
2. On the top of one column put "Energy Drainers At Work."
3. On top of the other column put "Energy Drainers At Home."
4. List the situations, people, things that are energy drainers in your life.
   

Hang on to the list, you can add more as they come up. You may or may not choose to do anything about the items on your lists right now, but just becoming aware of the energy drainers will bring them to the forefront where you'll naturally start eliminating, fixing or resolving them.

You don't realize how much power you have until you take a look at the power you're giving away. Now is an excellent time to clear out the clutter and take charge of your life.

Happy Cleaning!

This Is Your Life....Make It What You Want!

Busy Person's Meditation

We all know that meditation is good for the soul...wouldn't it be great to have even 30 minutes a day to relax and meditate? 30 minutes? Sure, in all your free time.

There is, however, a way to get some meditative time in when your day is too full (like always) and you don't have the time to take a real break for yourself. I know some days it's hard to find time to go to the bathroom!!

So this is what I call the busy person's meditation. Give it a try.

• Choose one task that you do on a regular basis…..fold clothes, sweep floors, wash dishes, dust, cook-whatever you can think of.
• Do it as mindfully as you can.
  

Years ago, my personal coach suggested this to me and the task I chose was sweeping the floors. I have all hardwood or tile floors, 1 spouse, 2 kids, 2 cats and a dog in my house. I’m sweeping at least once a day. And like you, while it’s a goal of mine, I don’t have time to sit down for 15 minutes each day to meditate or relax.

So here’s how it works for me: As I’m sweeping, I really pay attention to my body. I consciously breathe more deeply and slow down; I listen to the sounds of the bristles against the floor; I notice the way the broom handle rests in the palms of my hands; I feel the subtle change in the muscles in my back and arms; I notice and appreciate the results of my efforts. I look around and notice things I love all around me-I really make an effort to be mindful of the moment. Believe it or not, I actually enjoy sweeping my floors! And for those who know my feelings about housework, that’s HUGE!

The other part of this exercise that’s so great is that it’s possible to have mindful and relaxed periods of time in the midst of all the normal craziness in my house. The kids might be watching TV, playing music or even arguing about something, but I’m not all bent out of shape. I’m more patient and I’m not worrying about the next thing on my “to do” list. (Now if I could just stop sweeping!)

Give it a try and let me know how it goes!

Special offers for Spa for Your Soul Tele-class

Thanks for everyone who joined me for the free tele-class:

Spa for Your Soul: 5 Tools to Rejuvenate Your Life!

I finished the call with several offers that I want to make available for you!

1. Free e-newsletter if you aren't already receiving it. Once a month you will receive This Is Your Life Newsletter that includes an update from me and an article about personal growth, often having to do with balance, life meaning, self-care, life challenges, etc. They are short and sweet,designed to offer practical tips, inspiration and fun!
2. Spa for Your Soul Workbook ($20) which offers exercises for each of the Spa Tools I talked about on the call; Promotional coaching packages through Friday, July 31st (see column) A real bargain, believe me!! My normal fees are $100/hour.
3. NEW PRODUCT! Spa for Your Soul E-course ($100) includes information and do it yourself exercises to explore each of the Spa Tools more deeply. You'll get one tool per week for 5 weeks. This offer also includes emails to answer questions, accountability and support.
4. PLUS-The first 10 people to sign up for the e-course will get a one hour laser coaching session ($100 value) with me either by phone or in person.
   

My goal for the call was to provide enough information to help you make a decision about your personal next steps: Follow the assignment given on the call and/or any of the above offers.

Remember:

• Coaching package prices are good only through Friday, July 31st, so act quickly if you are interested in any of them.
• First 10 (ten) people to sign up for my ecourse will also get one hour of FREE COACHING ($100 VALUE).

Going to a beauty spa will last a day or two,

but visiting the Spa for Your Soul can last a lifetime!

Free Tele-class: 5 Tools to Rejuvenate Your Life

Spa for Your Soul

Five Tools to Rejuvenate Your Life

Take a break from your busy life to focus on you

Learn ways to create more balance, fulfillment and fun in your life!

Tuesday, July 28 Noon-1 PM CST

Email marykay@lifecoachmkay.com to get call instructions and to RSVP

Space and Stillness is Good for the Soul

"Space and stillness is the light that illuminates the beauty of our Souls being."-- Adyashanti

Imagine quiet and stillness....space to think...space to ponder on things without interruptions. How often does that happen for you? What would it be like to experience that kind of self-care?

Between I-phones, Ipods, TV, computers and the rest of the noise in our lives, space and stillness is a foreign concept for many of us. To balance our lives more, we're left to find our “space” in more creative ways. Have you ever stayed up too late, sacrificing valuable sleep, because it's the only time the house is quiet and you have some time for yourself? Or maybe it's been such a long time since silence was a part of your life that the idea of it makes you a bit uneasy.

I remember my experience on a 4 day schooner cruise last summer, which included no electronics of any kind-the boat didn’t even have a motor! I remember the restlessness I felt the first day. We’d had breakfast, the sails were up and we were underway. Now what? What do I do first? Read? Sleep? Journal? So many choices, so little time. I felt the need to actively relax.........actively relax.....isn’t that an oxymoron?

Before long, I was able to slow down and find a new rhythm for my day. I was able to truly relax which allowed me to live in the moment. I savored the quiet conversation, reading, napping or sitting on deck watching the waves and listening to the sounds of nature.

For me, the biggest thing I noticed, besides the fabulous food and beautiful scenery was how I appreciated the simplicity of our days. I had time to ponder my life, my priorities and appreciate what I have.

We all deserve those kinds of moments. Time away from your normal routine is a wonderful opportunity to stay connected to yourself, your values and your priorities. While you may not have the time or resources for an extended retreat, there are many ways to create mini-retreats in your day even if it's nothing more that taking 15 minutes a day to sit quietly in your favorite chair with a cup of tea or taking a quiet walk in your neighborhood.

Whatever way you choose to do it, my hope is that you find some way to create the stillness that can illuminate the beauty of your souls being.

This Is Your Life....Make it What You Want!

Just Say No.....But How?

Article: Just Say No…But How?
By Mary Kay Aide

Women are natural givers and relationship builders. It’s one of the fabulous things about us! Unfortunately it’s also a curse because we may go too far and say yes to things we know are not good for us.

Bottom line, we are willing to sacrifice ourselves for the good of a relationship, to avoid being judged or hurting another’s feelings.

So how do you say No without seeming abrupt or hurtful?

Here’s a tip: When approached by a friend, committee chair, family member, solicitor, etc., you don’t have to say “no”…and you don’t’ have to say “yes” either!

Here’s a very appropriate response:

“Thank you so much for asking. I’d love to help you out, but let me think about it and see if it works for me before I commit. I'll get back to you tomorrow (or next week) and let you know.”

Then you have time to become more conscious about what you really want to do and you can go back to that person with a clear answer.

If you decided it doesn’t work (or really just don't want to), you have been respectful of them and their request while honoring yourself as well. It’s a win-win. Here’s a possible response:

“I’ve given your request some thought and while I’d love to help you out, it’s just not going to work for me right now. I’m really sorry.”

If you decided yes, then you have consciously made the decision and you can give the request the attention it deserves.

Good luck-I'd love have you try it and report back how it goes.

This Is Your Life.....Make It What You Want!

FREE TELE-CLASS: Spa for Your Soul

FREE TELE-CLASS

Spa for Your Soul

Five Tools to Rejuvenate Your Life, Focus on You & Create more Balance

Tuesday, July 28 Noon-1 PM

Do you:

Feel like you’re always behind? Get no time for YOU? Feel guilty at work because there’s so much to do at home, and guilty at home because there’s so much to do at work?

Is this you?

You have many wonderful things in your life…….kids, a partner, career, faith community, volunteer work, friends, etc., but you are so busy you can’t enjoy it. And on top that, you may guilty because you are living a dream life, but it doesn’t feel very dream like.

YOU ARE NOT ALONE!!!! There are so many people, especially women, who feel this way and believe there’s not a way out of being stressed-out.

Believe it or not, you don’t have to make dramatic changes to be able to really enjoy your dream life. Schedule an appointment with Spa for Your Soul! It really is possible, even in these busy times, to feel fulfilled, contented and happy. I have created a five spa “services” that will help you “massage” your life a little for better self-care, balance and fulfillment.

Join me on Tuesday, July 28th Noon-1PM to learn how you, too, can enjoy your dreamlife with more balance and manageability. Take time to relax, focus on your needs and feel good about yourself!

RSVP:

Email me marykay@lifecoachmkay.com for instructions for the call.

If you are interested and can’t make the call, RSVP anyway. The call will be recorded, I’ll send you the link and you can listen to it at your convenience!

Courage-Exercise It for Personal Growth and Fulfillment

"Courage is very important. Like a muscle, it is strengthened by use."-- Ruth Gordon

At some time in your life, especially when you are feeling overwhelmed, out of balance or unfulfilled, you may ask yourself questions like,

Why didn’t I……?
Why did I…….?
If I had only…..?

These questions are very common and unfortunately, they are not very helpful because they usually involve guilt, remorse or regret. Just thinking about them makes me feel a bit deflated.

If you’re looking to find a more balanced and fulfilling life, more empowering questions would be,

How do I want to be?
What‘s on my bucket list-what have I always wanted to do?
What can I do to be my life?

These questions lead you forward toward something new. Saying them aloud brings more energy, doesn't it? Taking action after responding to those questions will move you in the direction you want in your life.

Then of course when you start thinking about trying new things, stretching your boundaries, moving into new territory what comes up? FEAR! ANXIETY! OVERWHELM! And of course, a new set of questions,

Can I do it?
Isn’t it too late?
Isn’t it foolish?

What do you need to get past the fear and anxiety? Ask the lion in Wizard of Oz……COURAGE!

The lion believed he was a coward because he was scared, but in reality he just needed the right motivation! Helping his dear friend, Dorothy was motivation enough move past his fear and stand up to the Wicked Witch of the West!

What’s your motivation? What’s important enough to move you past the fears?

Start small and slowly build up your courage muscle. If you’ve ever lifted weights, you know you don’t start with heavy weights, you start small and work your way up, and if you have trouble, a spotter or coach will help you when the going gets tough.

I challenge you to go back to the second set of questions above, choose a lightweight goal and begin strengthening your courage muscle.. As you progress, feel free to ask for assistance. As a coach, I’m happy to “spot” you whenever you need it….all you have to do is ask!

Then go rent the movie, Wizard of Oz and check out the song, "King of the Forest" by the Cowardly Lion...I LOVE that song!!

This Is Your Life....Make It What You Want!

Boy, am I Livin! (Dealing with Overwhelm)

"Life begins at the end of your comfort zone." --Neale Donald Walsch

Going the extra mile, learning something new, stretching one's abilities....it's all part of growth. It's exciting, scary and at times (okay, often) overwhelming. How do you deal with it? I'm in a growth period in my business and how do I deal with it?

• faith in the process
• support from friends
• taking breaks when the overwhelm threatens to consume me
• breathing.....lots of deep breathing
• guidance from the experts
• trusting my purpose, my vision and my experience
• did I say lots of deep breathing?

Would love to hear how you deal with overwhelm in your life. Let me know.

This Is Your Life.....Make It What You Want!

How can I improve?

I was at a great conference for the National Association of Women Business Owners (NAWBO) and sat in on several fabulous break out sessions. One in particular was by Mary Kay Slowikowski (love the name, by the way). Her session, "Success is 90% Attitude" included this assignment. Go to some of the important people in your life and ask them "How Can I Improve?" "How can I be a better spouse, parent, coach, friend, leader, etc. I love this because it focuses on growth and improvement, rather than focusing on the negative. What better way to impove your life than to get feedback from those important to you?

Here a couple tips:

• Go to people you trust and you feel they will be honest with you.
• Do not go to people who are negative or don't support you.
• If it's uncomfortable to ask in person, send them an email.
• Listen with an open mind and take steps that feel comfortable for you.

Give it a try and see what people have to say. I'd love to hear what this experience is like for you.
Ask the important people in your life....How can I improve?

Keep me posted.

This Is Your Life....Make It What You Want!

Long Recess, Short School

Remember recess? When my daughter started kindergarten 5 years ago, she said it was long school and short recess. She wished it was short school and long recess! My husband considers long bike rides recess. I consider anything beyond 10-15 miles work, while he's just getting warmed up! We all have our personal idea of recess or playtime. Different strokes for different folks.

What if you found work that felt like long recess and short school? Wouldn't that be fabulous? Think how focused you are when you're doing something you love. You want to do well, you want to learn more, you want to improve and work harder. It might be writing, gardening, exercising, coaching, organizing, leading an organization or any number of things, We each have our own version of recess.

What do you do that you get lost in? What activity causes you to lose track of time? Whatever it is, those are the things that you need to have in your life....ideally it'd be great to have that as part of your work.

What if everyone found that ideal job? Think about the creativity and energy that would be tapped into! Think about what could be accomplished! Think of the change that could come into your life and into the world!

Here's my challenge for you.....find the things in your life that brings forth your best self, your strengths, your energy, and your sense of play. Whether it's something in your work or your private life, use that "gift" to make a difference in your life, your community and the lives of those around you.

Short school, long recess.....Playtime! It's a win-win!

This Is Your Life.....Make It What You Want!

Are You a Worrier?

"Worrying does not empty tomorrow of its trouble, It empties today of its strength." unknown

How many of you know someone who identifies themselves as a "worrier." Perhaps you're one of them. It's pretty darned common. Worry does not serve you well. Worry zaps your energy and prevents you from taking care of today because you are so focused on what might happen in the future!! As an addictions counselor we used to call worry an intoxicating emotion. It keeps you out of the present and it keeps you stuck.

It's easy to use all your energy reacting to phantom outcomes of the future...which keeps you from planning for or preventing the actual outcome you might be worried about! Worrying about potential events is a waste of creativity, strength and power. When you catch yourself fretting about possible negative outcomes, stop yourself and think of right now.

Some people love the adrenaline and drama that comes with worry...that's the intoxicating part. It feels good (?) in the moment, but doesn't solve anything. It takes up energy, but in reality you're just spinning your wheels and going nowhere. If you are a worrier and want more strength and power in your life, find ways to stay in the present and use your energy to move forward, not get stuck spinning your wheels.

When you catch yourself fretting about possible negative outcomes, stop yourself and think of today. What can you do right now to address or prepare for possibilities in the future. Take action! Do what you can, then let it go. Save your strength for the real outcome rather than wasting energy on the imagined scenarios. (And think about it, only one outcome is going to actually occur, so why fret over all the outcomes that aren't even going to happen!!!)

This Is Your Life....Make it what you want!

What's your Legacy?

My Aunt Rosemary, age 85, died last night in her sleep. She was a vibrant, active and healthy woman who loved to spend time with family, play cards, garden, cook and help others. She was one of the most giving people I have ever met.

My aunt had experienced much loss in her life. Her husband died of a heart attack when her youngest of 8 children (7 were boys) was only 5 years old. Her oldest, the only girl, was 18. My aunt raised those kids on her husband's social security, earnings from doing other people's laundry and waitressing. She lost a son at age 18 in a mining accident, a son-in-law in a car accident during a snowstorm, a son to cancer, and a grandson who had fallen asleep at the wheel. Her only daughter lives next door and is wheelchair bound due to MS.

Even with all the loss and struggles in her life, Aunt Rosemary was always cheerful, giving a hug and a kiss whenever we saw her. She never acted like a victim and never felt sorry for herself. She had many grandchildren and great-grandchildren and she was so proud of them. I think all her children lived within an hour from her, she loved spending time with them and they took very good care of her, building her a new house, and keeping an eye on her.

My aunt left a legacy of love, strength, perseverence and gratitude, even in the face of adversity, loss and pain. While her death had no warning, it was gentle and I am grateful for that.

What if you were to die in your sleep tonight-what would your legacy be? How do you think you'd be remembered? How would you like to be remembered? Do those two answers match? We don't have much control over how we die, but we do have control over how we live.

You have the power to live in a way that you can be proud of, no matter what your circumstances. You have the opportunity to live the legacy you would like to leave when you are no longer of this world. My hope is that you take advantage of that opportunity.

This is your life.....Make it what you want!

There goes the Judge

"If you judge people,you have no time to love them."
-- Mother Teresa

It's impossible not to admire Mother Teresa. She was the ultimate practitioner of unconditional love. She took care of all people-young, old, sick and dying without judgment or scorn.

How comforting it must have been as the recipient of such unconditional love.
What if people, women in particular, would decide to turn that unconditional love on themselves? What if you let go of the judgments toward your own behaviors, deficiencies and humanness and left space for a more loving and accepting relationship with yourself?
What if you gave yourself credit for what you are vs. what you are not?

It's amazing how a relationship changes when judgments are set aside. Letting go of judgment allows barriers to fall leaving more room for love and connectedness. According to Mother Theresa, there is not room for both.

How many other judgments do we hang on to when in reality, we simply don't understand what it's like to be in that person's shoes? What would our response be if we approached them from a place of love vs. judgment?

Here's my challenge for you:

• Who have you distanced yourself from because of some judgment you may have about their behavior or situation?
• How much do you really truly understand about their situation?
• What would happen if you set aside that judgment and really tried to understand their perspective?
• What if you approached that person with love and support rather than judgment?
• How could the relationship be different?

If you decide to take on that challenge, let me know. I'd love to support you and hear some feedback on the experience.

This Is Your Life....Make It What You Want!

This is your Life...Make it what you want!

My husband and I were sitting outside a coffee shop this morning as we do many mornings after a workout at the YMCA and Brett made an interesting observation. The table next to ours was surrounded by several older, retired women chatting and laughing over their own cups of coffee and soaking up the lovely morning sun here in Madison, WI.

Brett wondered if we, too, were retired since we often hang out with so many other retired folks at Victor Allen's, our favorite coffee shop. It just so happens that we seem to have a semi-retired lifestyle that earns enough money to pay our mortgage, health insurance and support our household.

How do we do it? We are both doing what we love! We are helping others through my life coaching business and Brett's environmental consulting; we are tending to our mutual need for flexibility and freedom in our lives; and we can arrange our work around our life rather than having to arrange our life around our work. If this is retirement, I want to be in this forever!! (And actually, we might have to be, given the state of our investments!)

My challenge-Figure out what is really important to you, then think of ways to include those things in your life. It may not match the mainstream, it may not make you a million dollars, get you the grandest house or car, but it will be serving you and your values.......and you can't put a dollar amount on that!!

We all need to be honoring our values and our contribution to the world. And your contribution is as unique as you. Good luck and remember, This is your life.....make it what you want!!

Z104 Madison, WI - Connie and Fish - WZEE-FM

Z104 Madison, WI - Connie and Fish - WZEE-FM

Click on the link above, then scroll down til you see my face...April 24th.
I'm just above Obama without a shirt on!!!

Focus on your Strengths

I often talk to clients about their strengths. As a culture we tend to focus on our faults, our gaps, our deficits. We think we need to "fix" our weaknesses. I believe that focusing on your weaknesses takes away from the very things that make you unique and ignores the gifts you have to offer the world and those around you.

I'm a big fan of Positive Psychology and Dr. Martin Seligman. His organization focuses on the concept of Signature Strengths. The philosophy is that you don't have to be different than who you are, you just need to be more of who you are.

How do you do that? Your strengths, specifically our Signature Strengths, will get you through difficulties in your life. Once you identify your signature strengths, you have all you need to get unstuck....focusing on your strengths is the key, not your weaknesses.

Go to http://www.authentichappiness.org/ and take the Signature Strengths Questionnaire and see for yourself! When you are stuck, what strengths are you overusing or underusing? Use that as your guide for your next step. Here's to being more of who you are!

Good luck-would love to hear what you think!

Being Authentic-great quote!

"So often we wait for the climate and conditions in life to be perfect before we feel safe enough to step forward, trust, and be our authentic selves. What we don't realize is that in order to create the ideal climate we are waiting for, we must be authentic first."

-Sonia Choquette

Follow Your Energy

Follow Your Energy...

We all have lots of demands in our lives - long "to do" lists and ongoing competition for our time, energy and attention. How do you prioritize and decide which gets your attention?

Of course, there are some things you have to tend to....a crying child, an emergency at work, or water shooting out of your kitchen faucet (don't laugh, that's not a stretch at my house!). But what about the non-emergency demands? Let's say you have three or four tasks that need to be done and you can't decide where to start.

"What should you do first?" As you know, the word "should" is a four letter word in my life (actually it's 6 letters, but you get my point)....it's full of judgment and using it gives your power and control to something or someone outside yourself.

Focusing on a should is a disempowering way to operate.

Replace that question with, "Where do you want to start?" Of all the things on your list, which draws you in more and where your energy lead you?

For me, today was a great example. I had lots on my "to do" list but the two biggies were writing my newsletter and cleaning up the yard before the new growth takes over. Asking the standard "should" question, lead me to think writing may be the top priority because I have a deadline and a belief that business work should take priority (there's that word again). The problem was I wasn't feeling very creative, I didn't know what I wanted to write about and was really kind of dreading it.

Do I suck it up and just work on it anyway?

Then I asked the question I often ask my clients. What do I really want to do? Where's my energy? The answer? Get outside!! It's beautiful, I was motivated and needing to move my body.

If my newsletter is late....so be it!

And you know what happened? I got 90 minutes of productive work done outside and as I was working, my newsletter topic came to me! How cool is that? I came inside and started writing. If I had forced myself to sit down and write I would have wasted a good chunk of time at the computer trying to come up with something, not gotten any real writing done and not getting any work done outside either!

Going with my energy was actually energizing!

When you're struggling with priorities, ask not what you should do, ask what you want to do! Follow your energy and trust that the results will take care of themselves.

To subscribe to my free e-newsletter, go to www.lifecoachmkay.com and click on newsletters.

Let Your Light Shine

“I am not bound to be true. I am not bound to succeed,
but I am bound to live up to what light I have.”

-Abraham Lincoln

Happy Spring! It’s great seeing new life outside-I actually have some tulips coming up in my front yard! The days are getting longer and I love the extra daylight at the end of the day. As I enjoy the light outside this evening, it occurs to me that this is a good time to appreciate the light shining from within as well.

Reading Abraham Lincoln’s quote above reminds me of why I’ve become a Life Coach. It reflects the core of what I believe in my life and in my coaching business. I named my business “This Is Your Life” because I believe that this is YOUR life, not anyone else’s. You need to be true to yourself and allow the best of you to come through. There is not a "right" way to live, there’s only a right way for you. You have your own light and you need to live up to that light.

Much of my coaching is helping people find their personal truths. I help you look inside to discover who you really are and what's really important to you. It's a bit frightening at times, but I assure you, it's worth it in the end. When you figure out who you really are, it becomes a guiding force for the rest of your life! And isn't that what we are all looking for? A guiding force to give us direction and help us through the tough times. You have that guiding light inside you, all you have to do is take some time to find it!

Good luck and enjoy.

Career Women at Midlife-Sadder and Sicker?

Here's a very interesting article in Business Week regarding working women-

"Over the last 50 years, women have secured greater opportunity, greater achievement, greater influence, and more money. But over the same time period, they have become less happy, more anxious, more stressed, and, in ever-increasing numbers, they are medicating themselves for it," says management thinker and author Marcus Buckingham

To read the whole article, go to:

http://www.businessweek.com/managing/content/mar2009/ca20090327_067541_page_2.htm

Would love to hear what you think.

No Time Like the Present!

The Chinese say, "The best time to plant a tree was always 20 years ago. The second best time is always today." Funny how planting trees and taking action on the life of your dreams are the same that way. The Universe (www.tut.com)

Want to make a change in your life? No time like the present! What is one little thing you can do today to make a better tomorrow? Eat a healthy meal? Take a walk? De-clutter one cupboard? Sign up for a class?

Today is the first day of the rest of your life......how do you want it to be? And what can you do today to help make it happen?

Have a great week!

The Love Coach?

Guess what? Another Friday, another radio show!! Tune in to WIBA radio 1310 AM at 10 AM on Friday, March 27th. I'm the guest on Outside the Box with Mitch Henck. My husband told him I was the Love Coach on Connie and Fish and he invited me on!! TUNE IN if you dare!

There's something very interesting about these comedian types liking my stuff-first Connie and Fish, then Mitch Henck. Could it be that my number one signature strength is Playfulness and Humor? Must be why I had such a great time on the Connie and Fish show.

What to know what your Signature Strengths are?

Go to www.authentichappiness.org and click on the Signature Strengths Questionnaire.

This questionnaire will identify your top 5 strengths, called your Signature Strengths because when you are using them, it is effortless and comes naturally. Note that you can also get in trouble if you rely on one of your signature strengths too much. For example, if I relied on my playfulness and humor all the time, it would be a bit much. Good thing I have four other Signature Strengths to balance out my personality!

The best thing is.....when you wrap your life around your top 5 strengths, you don't have to be anything different than you already are....just be more of who you are! If you are ever stuck, look at your signature strengths and see if you are overusing or underusing any of your signature strengths.

Would love to hear what you think of the idea and please share your strengths with me so I can see what great people are in my life!!

Don't forget to tune in on Friday 10 AM, 1310 AM WIBA. It's also live http://www.wiba.com/

Tune in!