Is It Really You? Being Authentic-A Form of Self-Care

"Let the world know you as you are,not as you think you should be." -- Fanny Brice

Do you spend a lot of energy being what you think others want you to be? Are you a people-pleaser?

As Dr. Phil might ask, "How's that workin' for ya?" Not so good?

What would happen if you always presented yourself as your authentic self? What if, no matter what, you felt like you could just be yourself?

I know I spent much of my younger years doing what I thought others' expected of me. I would be different depending on the group of people I was with. Over time, I lost myself. I spent a lot of energy figuring out what was expected of me and trying to deliver whatever the other person wanted. I was constantly reevaluating my words and behavior and it was exhausting!

It was in graduate school when I hit a wall and learned how detrimental operating under the shadows of others’ expectations was to myself and to others.

I remember how freeing it was to simply be myself. I needed to trust that it was really okay to be my authentic self! The challenge was learning to love and trust enough to risk putting myself out into the world. The greatest surprise was learning that being myself was much more gratifying than I could have imagined! I learned that I could trust my relationships more because those who I attracted wanted to be with the real me, not the person I thought they wanted me to be.

What if you didn't have to please anyone but yourself? How different would you be? What if you didn't feel controlled by that need to meet the perceived expectations of those around you?

My challenge for you is to practice being more authentic and true to yourself. Begin by thinking about "you" first rather than others' first. Focusing on your needs first may feel a little uncomfortable at first, but shifting your perspective a little is not going to send you in the opposite direction. You'll probably always incorporate others' needs into your life, you just won't be ruled by them!

The risk, of course, is that it will not please everyone. The good news is that the people and the relationships that you do have will be genuine and more meaningful.

And all that energy you spent trying to please others can be directed toward more fulfilling endeavors!

Fanny Brice had it right...let the world know who you are. You are a uniquely talented and gifted person. Let others appreciate all you have to offer. You deserve it!

This Is Your Life.....Make It What You Want!

Just Say No.....But How?

Article: Just Say No…But How?
By Mary Kay Aide

Women are natural givers and relationship builders. It’s one of the fabulous things about us! Unfortunately it’s also a curse because we may go too far and say yes to things we know are not good for us.

Bottom line, we are willing to sacrifice ourselves for the good of a relationship, to avoid being judged or hurting another’s feelings.

So how do you say No without seeming abrupt or hurtful?

Here’s a tip: When approached by a friend, committee chair, family member, solicitor, etc., you don’t have to say “no”…and you don’t’ have to say “yes” either!

Here’s a very appropriate response:

“Thank you so much for asking. I’d love to help you out, but let me think about it and see if it works for me before I commit. I'll get back to you tomorrow (or next week) and let you know.”

Then you have time to become more conscious about what you really want to do and you can go back to that person with a clear answer.

If you decided it doesn’t work (or really just don't want to), you have been respectful of them and their request while honoring yourself as well. It’s a win-win. Here’s a possible response:

“I’ve given your request some thought and while I’d love to help you out, it’s just not going to work for me right now. I’m really sorry.”

If you decided yes, then you have consciously made the decision and you can give the request the attention it deserves.

Good luck-I'd love have you try it and report back how it goes.

This Is Your Life.....Make It What You Want!